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02:25am 22/02/2005
 
mood: tired
So Sean finally decided to come back. Awkward? Yeah, just a little bit. We went to the Dot when he arrived and after basically not talking for half an hour we finally got around to why he left me. After that things were a lot easier. Sean and Bueller were reaquainted and we got a cake to celebrate Valentine's Day two days late. I know that was all really scattered but it's almost three in the morning and I'm in desperate need of some sleep, sue me. The point is Sean and I are back together. So much for taking it slow I guess.

I know it sounds like there should be more to say about our reunion than that, and there is, but I'm a little preoccupied worrying about the whole mom situation right now. She's still trying to convince me to move back home, even though I've told her Sean's back. It's not like I thought this whole living arrangement was going to be permanent. I figured I'd move in with Sean for a couple of months while my mom sobered up, then go back home. It's definitely a lot more complicated than I thought it would be, especially because now it feels like I need to decide who I'd rather trust. Yeah, enough stupid contemplations for now, time for bed.
 
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08:01pm 15/02/2005
 
mood: contemplative
Valentine's Day (AKA Single's Awareness Day) was yesterday. What a load of crap. It's just a day to remind you that the guy you love would rather live with his alcoholic parents two and a half hours away than be with you you're alone. I spent lunch playing cards with Alex, Jimmy, and Marco. We once again kicked their asses (still think it's beginner's luck?) which was pretty much the highlight of my day. I spent the rest of Valentine's Day watching the least romantic movies I could find with Bueller and feeling pathetic. Fun.

I actually talked to Sean today. First time in months he's decided to get in touch since he wrote asking me to send his things. It was a little overwhelming. Hopefully I'm not the only one crazy enough to think that if someone moves away and doesn't call or write or anything for months you don't really have that great of a relationship anymore. Apparently he didn't see it that way. We had a good discussion I guess. He's coming back... tomorrow. To visit anyway. Possibly to stay. I kind of get the feeling that he's coming more to get away from his parents than to see me there's more to it than he's letting on, but I told him to do whatever he feels like he needs to do. If that means moving back here, that's good I guess. I'm kind of afraid to see him again though, this all seems like it's happening so fast. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him to come back.

So now I have to go make sure some things are well hidden clean the apartment so he doesn't arrive at his former house to find it looking like a dump. Later I guess.
 
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04:11am 09/02/2005
 
mood: indescribable
I had dinner with my mom today... or yesterday I guess. It was... surreal. She was in the middle of telling me how much better she's been doing since she went to rehab and the next thing I know she's talking about me moving back home. Whoa. Yeah, it's not always fun living alone in my ex-boyfriend's apartment, but I don't know if I'm ready to just jump right into this. She just got out of rehab, how can I be sure she's not going to turn back to drinking? I really want to believe that she's better, that things would be different. But I don't trust her yet, I've heard too many empty promises from her.

And I think I'm going to have to cut this entry short considering I have to be waking up in about two hours. Blah, maybe I just shouldn't go to school. Insomnia rocks.
 
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So... this is me   
04:26am 31/01/2005
 
mood: contemplative
So who would've thought that I would end up here? Sitting in an empty apartment with a pet ferret writing in an online journal. My boyfriend left, my dad's in the Middle East, my mom's in rehab. Seventeen years and this is where I've gotten.

Ok, starting over. I'm Eleanor Nash, but I go by Ellie. Call me Eleanor and you die... or something. My best friends are Ashley and Marco, but they've both been busy with their own lives. I've been hanging out with Alex lately, another surprising aspect of my life. But she's turned out to be a great friend who doesn't hestitate to give you a big dose of reality when you need it, which lately I've needed more and more. I used to go out with Sean, and my life was going good for once. Then that psycho Rick decided it'd be a good idea to bring a gun to school, ruining my chance of happiness once again. Sean dragged Jay, Emma, and me all the way out to Wasaga to confront his past or whatever it is that he needed to do. He decided to stay, leaving me alone with Bueller, the apartment, and the rent.

Most people know me as the "cutter." I'm past that though. Really. Although you might see me snapping the rubber bands. What can I say, nobody's perfect.

And now I have to go feed Bueller. My screenname is eis4ellie if anyone really wants to IM me. So yeah, later.
 
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